Harry is Mental!
by Nuclear Hammer
Summary: It's another one of my stupid fics. Check out the mentalness of Harry and his gang, they start to act... a bit... strange. Chapter 2's posted. It won't be all 'K's like my other fic.......................r/r
1. Ron in the Hospital Wing

haha, i fianally decided to post another fic... maybe this one won't take 5 minutes to write like my other fics, though... check them out, cuz i really need reviews to know what i'll have to improve on...  
oh and when i was writing this, i forgot that people can't apparate/disapparate in hogwarts  
so... just imagine that voldemort has powers that allows him to apparate/disapparate anywhere he wants ok?  
apologies...  
  
******************** ANOTHER NONSENSE FIC BY NUCLEAR HAMMER!!!!*******************  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione were eating breakfast with the other Gryffindors.  
  
Neville was eating bananas dipped in salt.  
  
"Neville," asked Hermione kindly, "why are you eating your bananas with salt?"  
  
Neville looked at Hermione as if she was a bug.  
  
"Duh, you inferior b*tch! Would YOU eat be eating this salt all by itself?"  
  
********************************************  
  
Harry just saw Ron run out of Three Broomsticks.  
  
"Why are you running?" asked Harry.  
  
"Oh, man! Madame Rosmerta is so stupid!" said Ron.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Okay, listen to this. I gave her a galleon for the mulled mead, and you know that it's only  
  
13 sickles. And it's 17 sickles to a galleon, right? So she should have given me 4 sickles back!"  
  
"Yeah, and?"  
  
"She gave me 8 sickles back!" he managed to choke out, before he cracked up and begin to roll  
  
like a dog on the floor.  
  
"Uhh... didn't she ask for the money back, though?" asked Harry.  
  
Ron looked at him in disgust.   
  
"Do I look stupid, Harry? I ran for it when she was preparing the mulled mead! HAHA!"  
  
Harry struck him with a baseball bat. "You idiot!"  
  
**********************************************  
  
Ron was in the hospital wing to get his tooth pulled out. One of his tooth had become loose  
  
when Harry had hit him with the baseball bat.  
  
"Hogwarts is now charging money for medicines and care." said Madme Pomfrey.  
  
Ron frowned, "All right, how much?"  
  
"Pulling a tooth out will be 3 galleons."   
  
"3 galleons! It only takes about 2 minutes to pull a teeth out! It's too expensive!" Ron cried.  
  
"Well... all right, I'll make it take 5 minutes for you then..."  
  
Ron fainted.  
  
***********************************************  
  
It was lunch time.  
  
"Lunch!" yelled Neville, "I'm gonna get me some salt banana!"  
  
Justin Mcmillan suddenly complained to Harry. " Man, our house teacher is such an idiot."  
  
"I bet she's nothing compared to our head of house." said Harry.  
  
"What are you talking about? Sprout is the dumbest person you could ever think of."  
  
"Mcgonagall is even f*ckin' dumber!" shouted harry.  
  
Just then, Sprout came to Justin and said,  
  
"Justin, I'd like to do me a favor," said Sprout as she threw him a sickle, "go to hogsmeade  
  
and buy me a Firebolt with this sickle."  
  
When she left, Justin and Harry laughed their eyes out.  
  
"I told you she was an idiot." said Jusitn.  
  
Then Mcgonagall came.  
  
"Potter," she said, "will you go to my office and check if I'm there please? thank you."  
  
Harry and Justin laughed their heads and asses off.  
  
"Oh man, that was so dumb." cried Harry  
  
"Sprout is even dumber. How does she expect me to buy a Firebolt? We don't have Hogsmeade  
  
today! Hahaha!"  
  
"Mcgonagall's worse. Why doesn't she use her owl to check if she's in her office? She just  
  
doesn't think."  
  
***********************************************  
  
Dumbledore and Mcgonagall was talking Dumbledore's office.  
  
"Albus, I think some students have found out that we have... you know... every day..."  
  
"Don't worry, Minerva, one memory charm will finish everyhing."  
  
"Oh, all righ- AHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Voldemort suddenly lept into the office from thin air.  
  
Dumbledore shouted, "You cannot kill me, for I'm~"  
  
"Shut the f*** up! I'm not interested in you. I'm only interested in all your stuff."  
  
He drew a circle with his wand on the floor.  
  
"You too stay in there until I finish stealing all your stuff." said Voldemort.  
  
Voldemort took every single furniture and gold in his room and left.  
  
Then, suddenly Dumbledore started laughing like a lunatic.  
  
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!"   
  
"Why the hell are you so happy, you lump of lard!" shouted Mcgonagall.  
  
Dumbledore paused laughing for a period enough to say;  
  
"He didn't notice that one of my foot was outside of the circle all this time! Hahaha!"  
  
5 minutes later, Mcgonagall alone left Dumbledore's office, carrying a spiked club smashed  
  
with guts and blood.  
  
*****************************************  
  
"Wake up." said Madame Pomfrey, as she shaked the peacefully sleeping Ron roughly.  
  
"What is it?" Ron asked. "Why did you wake me, I was having a pleasent dream, you b*tch!"  
  
"It's time to take your sleeping potion, Ron." said Pomfrey.  
  
Ron fainted again, before saying, "This fic sux. Why are you making everyone stupid, we're  
  
not mental, maybe you are, but we're not!  
  
Moi: I AM mental. I'm always mental when I'm writing fics.  
  
*****************************************  
  
pleeze r/r, tell me if it's good or bad! I NEED REVIEWS! 


	2. Ron and the Taxi

second chapter updated!!!!  
  
*****************************************  
  
Dumbledore was in the hospital wing.  
  
He had been in the hospital wing ever since Mcgonagall beat him with a spiked club.  
  
It was in the middle of the night, when suddenly Voldemort leapt out from nowhere.  
  
"You again! What the hell do you want?" cried Dumbledore.  
  
"Shut up, just tell me where all the money is, and I'll let you live." said Voldemort.  
  
At that point, Dumbledore started to cry with joy.  
  
"Thank you! Thanks a lot... I really... appreciate..." cried Dumbledore, crying like a baby.  
  
Voldemort was stunned. "What?"  
  
"You'll even better than Pomfrey! She told me that I would die a few days later... Thank you!"  
  
Voldemort disapparated, and then fainted straight away.  
  
*****************************************  
  
Two letters came to Hogwarts the following week.  
  
One read:  
  
To prevent further break-ins at Hogwarts, the school governors suggest that Hogwarts should  
  
lock the entrance hall door from day to night.  
  
The other one read:   
  
To prevent further break-ins at Hogwarts, the ministry of defense suggest that Hogwwarts  
  
should unlock the entrance hall door so that it would be easy to escape when Voldemort suddenly  
  
appears inside the castle.  
  
Snape and Mcgonagall thought about which one they should follow.  
  
"Let's ask Dumbledore." suggested Snape.  
  
"Oh, I head that the old dude died yesterday. I taught him a god lesson." said Mcgonagall.  
  
"Oh, what should we do then? Ohhhh... I have an idea!" shouted Snape.  
  
The next morning, Harry walked out into the entrance hall for his usual quidditch practice  
  
with himself facing two large doors, one locked and one unlocked.  
  
Snape was executed the next day for suggesting such a ridiculous idea.  
  
*************************************************  
  
Mcgonagall called the students the next day in teh Great Hall for an announcement.  
  
"The whole school will visit the muggle world tomarrow to experience the uncomfortness  
  
of not having magic. You will find this an... Longbottom! What the hell do you think you're  
  
doing?"  
  
"I'm just getting some salt, you fatass." he said as he continued sweating on his banana to  
  
get salt. (sweat contains salt, in case you don't know)  
  
***************************************************  
  
"This is called a taxi." introduced Mcgonagall.  
  
"Cool!" said Ron as he hopped on a taxi to go to a muggle cinema.  
  
He had to pay $1.20 when he reached the cinema.  
  
He payed 40 cents.  
  
"Kid, you have to pay 80 more cents." said the taxi driver kindly.  
  
Ron snorted.  
  
"Hey, don't you dare trick me! When I first hopped in here that money meter thing was on $0.80!"  
  
***************************************************  
  
It was time for Ron to go back home.  
  
He knew he wouldn't make any mistakes this time.  
  
When he reached the place where he promised to meet with his classmates, he had to pay $1.20.  
  
He payed 60 cents.  
  
"You're supposed to pay 60 more cents, kid." said the driver.  
  
"No, you rode the taxi too, why do I have to pay for you too? I'm only gonna pay my half"  
  
****************************************************  
  
"Man, taxis are so confusing! I don't understand why the drivers make me pay more than  
  
I'm supposed too." complained Ron to Harry.  
  
"I like buses," said Ron, "once, I magically attached myself to the back of a bus when I  
  
was going to a park. I saved a lot of money, I didn't have to pay a cent."  
  
Harry suddenly shouted. "You idiot!"  
  
Ron was shocked. "What?!"  
  
"You should have attached yourself to a taxi instead, then you would have saved more money!  
  
Taxis are much more expensive!"  
  
******************************************************  
  
Harry and Hermione were walking down the stairs for dinner, when they saw a 10 dollar  
  
bill on the staircase.  
  
"Wow, that muggle money is mine!" shouted Hermione.  
  
"No, it's not! You're lying." said Harry.  
  
"I'm not lying. Remember that I lost the muggle money that I got for my birthday last time?"  
  
"Oh, but that was a 20 dollar bill." said Harry.  
  
"Yeah, it must have split it in half when I dropped it, I wonder where the other half is?"  
  
Harry struck her head with his Firebolt.  
  
"You idiot!" he shouted, as he shoved the 10 dollar bill into his robe pocket.  
  
  
*******************************************************  
  
Next day, the kids were back at Hogwarts and were playing outside the castle in the gardens  
  
when suddenly Malfoy came running towards them, his face white.  
  
"What is the matter, Malfoy?" asked Mcgonagall.  
  
"It's Weasly! He keeps thinking he's a taxi, and he's trying to run people over!"  
  
"Well, why are you running?"  
  
Malfy looked at her curiously.  
  
"Do you WANT me to get run over by a taxi?" he asked, as he couldn't believe that Mcgongall  
  
would say such a stupid thing.  
  
Both Ron and Malfoy were put into a mental hospital the next day, in the same room.  
  
"Heehee, I've got you now, Malfoy. Honk honk! HAHAHAHAHA!" Ron laughed with an evil smile.  
  
"No please, don't! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Earsplitting screams filled the hospital that night.  
  
Malfoy's body was found in 50 pieces the next day, scattered all over the room.  
  
Ron was lying down in the middle of the pool of blood.  
  
"Where am I?" he wondered.  
  
******************************************************  
  
That's it, folks. Don't forget to review, k?  
Please understand that this is a humor fic, and that it can contain some nonsence materials.  
Maybe I'm gonna make another sequel.  
Maybe not..........r/r 


	3. Ron with the Author

third c.h.a.p.t.e.r finally uploaded  
please forgive me if u sense extreme insanity in this fic  
and pleeze do not forget to review k?  
  
**********************************  
  
Minerva McGonagll was looking for a new job. She had had enough of the insanity in Hogwarts.  
  
She decided to work in Beauxbatons instead, and try to find some sanity there.  
  
She went to Beauxbatons the next day for the teacher interview.  
  
"Hello, and welcome to Beauxbatons," said the headmaster, Professor Grosfasse, "what job would you like to have here?"  
  
"I wish to be the headmaster." said McGonagall firmly.  
  
Professor Grosfasse's jaws dropped.  
  
"What, are you CRAZY?" shouted the headmaster.  
  
"Huh, do you have to be crazy to be the headmaster here?" asked Mcgonagall, with a look full of doubt.  
  
3 seconds later, Mcgonagall was ordered to leave the school.  
  
"Man, what a crazy headmaster," mumbled Minerva, "this school is even crazier than Hogwarts."  
  
************************************************  
  
Ever since Ron got out of the mental hospital, he was having hearing problems for some reason.  
  
He went to the hospital wing to treat his ear.  
  
He didn't really trust Pomfrey, but she was the only one who could help him.  
  
"Madame Pomfrey, I think I'm having difficulties with my hearing. Sometimes I can't even hear my own dart." complained Ron.  
  
"Oh, I see." she said. And 3 minutes later she brought a medicine for him to eat.  
  
"Will this make my ear better?" Ron asked in delight.  
  
"What? Hell no! It makes your fart louder." said Madame Pomfrey, as this was very obvious.  
  
"ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I can't take it no more, you're dead, Pomfrey! I'm gonna run you over! HAHAHA, I'm a taxi!!! HAHAHA"  
  
The hospital wing was filled with agonizing screams until Ron suddenly said, "Man, I'm out of gas. I need more of that fart medicine again."  
  
************************************************  
  
Ron: Okay, I've had enough, stop killing everyone in the story, you pathetic author!  
  
Me: What the? You dare talk like that to the person who controls you? I am your god, for your information. And if you don't be careful I can make you go mad and kill everyone who's left in the story. And this includes your friend Harry Potter!  
  
Ron: You mean you control us?  
  
Me: Absolutely.  
  
Ron: Wow, then... make Hermione kiss me!  
  
Me: Alright.  
  
Hermione comes out with an AK 47 and blasts Ron's head off. Everyone in Hogwarts hears Ron's screams as Hermione goes berserk. Everyone tries to stop her, but it is impossible. She aims her AK47 at McGonagall, and then...  
  
Me: Okay, I'd better stop. I'm this close to being sued for messing up J.K Rowling's characters. I apologize. It is just my nature to write horrible and bloody stories like this. It's not my fault, it's my gene's fault! The genes that I inherited from my parents led me to write something like this. I didn't mean it, okay? So go on and flame me. 


End file.
